Me too!
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
