Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
