A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
