Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
