Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
