they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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