so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
