Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
