fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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