I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
