I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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