im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
