How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
