She just used a chaser for red wine.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
