honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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