i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
