Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
