Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
