she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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