We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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