If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
