dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
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I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
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I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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