Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
