It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
