She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
