Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
