Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
