why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
