yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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