he thought i was a dude.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
