Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I cockslap morals
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
