Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I currently don't understand fingers.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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