just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
birth control should be required to get into college
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
