She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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