The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
