you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
