Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
