How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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