Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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