I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
