I swear she didn't look like that last week.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
