I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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