Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
