Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
