JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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