It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
