She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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