Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
