thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
