ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Randomize
