as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
