I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
