When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
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if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
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And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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