There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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