Even the bartender felt bad for me
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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