yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Acid is not a monday night drug
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
