i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
