super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
