I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
