Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize