Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Still dying that you shit outside
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
