dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
