remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
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I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
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Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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