What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
