please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
