I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
