Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
