Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
