Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Enjoy the penises
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
