i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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