i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I am full of burrito and curiosity
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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