you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Can I color on your dick again?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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