I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
