The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
