mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
