im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
