we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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